By Katy Smith, Celebrant with Fuze Ceremonies & The Fuze Foundation
Introduction
We’ve all experienced a range of funeral ceremonies, from the profoundly moving to the disappointingly impersonal. It’s crucial that a funeral script genuinely reflects the life of the deceased, capturing their essence in a way that resonates with their loved ones. A well-crafted funeral ceremony is more than just a formality. It’s a tribute to the deceased, encapsulating their life story with warmth, humour, and sincerity.
When I attended my own mother’s humanist funeral and having experienced how enormously comforting a really good humanist celebrant can be, I felt really strongly, when I became a celebrant, that I had to do my utmost to bring something similar and uplifting to my own ceremonies with my bereaved families. The tapestry of someone’s life story; the quirkiness of their ways, and their achievements must be told with a warmth and genuine combination of humour, pathos, and knowledge of the person.
During my mum’s service the celebrant even took the “difficult” aspects of her life and deftly navigated these with skill and eloquence. I learned from listening to this and always have this front of mind for my bereaved loved ones when I visit to gather their loved one’s story.
The reverse is also true when I attended a funeral of someone really close; spending the entire ceremony getting more upset at how completely divorced from the “real” person, the ceremony was painting. So, there has to be honesty with a big spoonful of compassion and a dollop of humour thrown into a good script.
Here’s an overview of my process in constructing a funeral script that honours and celebrates a person’s life.
Initial Contact and Sensitivity
The process begins with an initial phone call to the family. Sensitivity is key, as the family may still be in shock. It’s essential to be mindful and compassionate, understanding that my presence may initially feel intrusive.
Gathering Information
Meeting with the family is a crucial step. The dynamics of this meeting can vary widely, from large gatherings with many voices to quiet, reserved conversations. Ensuring everyone feels heard is essential. I strive to include all perspectives, often encouraging quieter family members to share their thoughts.
Crafting the Script
Creating the script involves weaving together the diverse threads of the deceased’s life story. It’s important to balance honesty with compassion, including both achievements and quirks, and navigating any difficult aspects with care. I rely on my checklist and document resources to ensure a comprehensive and respectful script.
Flexibility and Communication
Flexibility in communication is vital. Some families may prefer face-to-face meetings, while others are comfortable with digital communication. Recently, I had a case where a family preferred to review a paper copy of the draft together. Adapting to their preferences is crucial for a smooth process.
Time Management
Time management is often a challenge, especially with tight turnarounds. Quick feedback is necessary to allow ample time for rehearsals. For example, I recently had only four days to prepare for a ceremony, which required efficient and prompt communication with the family.
Rehearsal and Final Preparations
Once the final draft is approved, I move into the rehearsal phase. Rehearsing multiple times ensures that the ceremony flows smoothly and that I am fully prepared to deliver a meaningful tribute.
Emotional Wellbeing
Maintaining my own emotional wellbeing is essential to deliver a well-structured and heartfelt ceremony. Seeing reflections of my own life in the stories of others reminds me of our shared humanity.
Family Involvement
Involving the family in the ceremony, such as choosing readings or participating, empowers them and makes the ceremony more personal. I always ask for their input and encourage them to make changes to ensure it feels like their own tribute.
Day of the Ceremony
On the day of the ceremony, I am there to greet the family, offering comfort and support. It’s important that they feel reassured and cared for as they arrive.
Conclusion
Creating a humanist funeral script is a delicate and deeply personal process. It requires empathy, sensitivity, and flexibility. By following these steps, I aim to honor the deceased and provide comfort to their loved ones through a meaningful and personalised ceremony.
Thank you for reading
Katy Smith, Celebrant with Fuze Ceremonies & The Fuze Foundation
